What a game. What a goddamn game. I’m typing this approximately two minutes after the final out of the game and I cannot begin to wait to dive into what happened in this hell of a ballgame and my opinions on every little detail I found to be noteworthy. Buckle up, roll up your joint and hang on for this wild, wild ride.
I honestly have no idea where to begin with this recap right now. I’m already sweating, which is not a good sign. Let’s start with Rick Porcello, Boston’s starting pitcher this evening. Ricky Raindrops’ line looked like this: 5.2 innings pitched, 6 hits, 2 earned runs, 1 walk and 5 strikeouts. After three straight low-quality starts by Porcello to start the year, his fourth outing was by far his best, finally going more than four innings for the first time in 2019. By no means was this a stellar start (I’ll get into that momentarily) but this was a massive stepping stone for the 30-year-old right-hander. He, oddly enough, gave up two triples in the same inning, ending his outing on a poor note, but for the first time all season stayed away from ball four, despite being squeezed by home plate umpire Tim Timmons, all but once in his five- and two-thirds-innings start.
The hands-down, absolute shining star of this particular baseball match was none other than MY lawfully wedded husband, Boston Red Sox left fielder Andrew Sebastian Benintendi. It is with a heavy heart that I announce that my hubby is 100 percent back on his bullshit. Benintendi barely knocked a grand slam out of the park to make it 5-0 early on in the second inning. In the previous at-bat, Sandy Leon took a pitch off of his foot to drive in a run with the bases loaded, making it 1-0 and thus bringing up the leadoff hitter in Benintendi. Boy oh boy, did it pay off or what. It was such a close call that the umpires had to look at a replay to make sure that it actually went out but SPOILER ALERT: it sure as hell did. Statcast calculated an exit velocity of 103 miles per hour on that home run and a distance of 405 feet. My baby boy made me a proud wife once more in our very real marriage and singlehandedly put the team on his back and carried their collective asses.
Tampa Bay Rays’ starter Charlie Morton got absolutely lit up (happy 4/20 teehee) by Boston in that 5-run, second inning throwing 30 pitches in his disaster of a game- and series-alerting inning. In the bottom of the second inning, though, Porcello totally killed the vibe and quickly gave up a solo home run to Avisail Garcia, newly noted Red Sox killer, to make it a 5-1 ballgame. Mookie Betts saved Porcello’s ass and disallowed any further damage to be done by the Rays, saving a potential no-outs double with a stunning barehand grab and throw in pure Betts fashion. Porcello’s antics continued into the fourth inning when he gave up a leadoff stand-up triple to Ji-Man Choi and another triple in the same inning to Brandon Lowe to make it a 5-2 game, but got a couple of big outs to refrain from letting any further damage be brought upon his beloved team to end the inning.
Porcello got into another bout of trouble in the fifth inning but everyone’s favorite 13-year-old third baseman flashed the leather for the second night in a row and turned yet another magnificent double play from third base, getting the out there and beautifully chucking the ball across his body and across the diamond to give Ricky Porchlights a much-needed helping hand. Brilliant, uplifting factoid: in this last week, Boston’s starting rotation possesses an ERA of 2.54 YIPPEE!!!
Manager Alex Cora smartly decided to take Porcello out of the game before his pitching line was destroyed any further and chose to replace him with…Heath Hembree. Yuck. Hembree decided to join in on the fun and also gave up a triple to Kevin Kiermaier. He was promptly replaced with Bobby Poyner in the seventh inning who ALSO allowed a triple, this time a 2-RBI triple to bring the Rays within one with only one out, making it 5-4 and thus making Red Sox fans across the globe want to violently throw their televisions out of their window in utter frustration. Myself and so many others genuinely thought that Benintendi’s first career grand slam was going to go to waste all thanks to the goddamn bullpen. And, I mean, four triples over a span of like thirty minutes? I have seen few uglier things than that in my day, and let me tell you, I have seen some shit.
Back in the fifth inning, Mookie stunted another base hit on an 0-2 count and this is a notable occurrence because I firmly believe that Betts is going to go on a massive tear here in the next few games spilling into the homestand. He’s turning his swagger back on slowly but surely and soon enough the league is going to pay. Betts has had a seriously tough start to the season, a stretch unlike anything he’s experienced in his professional baseball career. He’s going to get out of his slump, which is now a thing of the past, and remind everyone exactly why he was an MVP just months ago.
Jumping back into the eighth inning, the Red Sox’ bullpen continued to be a disgusting, godawful, puke- and cringe-worthy problem and once again force Red Sox fans to contemplate tossing their television sets directly out from their nearest window when Matt Barnes allowed a solo home run to Yandy Diaz, tying the game at 5-5. Keep in mind: the Red Sox had a 5-0 lead in this game. A. Five. To. Nothing. Lead. No matter how bad you are, no team has any excuse to be blowing a five-run lead, ESPECIALLY when four of those runs came on a grand slam. In the poetic words of none other than my dear friend Joe Bruzzo, PUKE!!!!!!!! The thing is, Barnes was quickly starting to grow on me dating back to last season. I’ve been an extremely harsh critic of Barnes’ but he was a major part of Boston’s success in the ‘pen last year in both the regular season and the postseason. He continued a dominating stretch of pitching into this season, striking out a whopping 14 of the 28 batters he faced. I believe I have officially gone back to despising him after witnessing him be the one to allow the game to be tied in the eighth inning in a truly despicable fashion.
On a very much related note in regards to Red Sox pitching: since Sandy Leon was recalled from Triple-A Pawtucket last week, Sandy Leon has helped allow 13 earned runs in just 16 innings he has caught. THIRTEEN in SIXTEEN innings! My goodness. I am, self-proclaimed, a proud Sandy Leon honk. I will defend this guy straight to the grave because I think that he was a main, pivotal link in regards to Boston’s overall pitching success in their 2018 World Series-winning season. Chris Sale especially has benefitted from Leon catching him since Sale arrived with the team on day one. Regardless, that statistic needed to be put out there because WOOF. I was all for the Red Sox finally calling him up because I knew that he would help solve their starting pitching woes to a degree and honestly, he kind of did. But he needs to figure out a way to reduce the number of runs scored because that number is appalling for a catcher of his level.
After a string of ugly and unnecessary pitching flubs by Boston’s bullpen, Boston’s bats decided to take matters into their own hands in the top of the ninth inning. Michael Chavis, the phenom third base prospect in Boston’s system who was called up yesterday, pinch-hit for Sandy Leon and made his MLB debut. He stepped up to the plate in a tie game in the ninth inning with no outs and a runner at first, facing pitcher Jose Alvarado who consistently throws 98-100 MPH gas. He knew it, the Red Sox knew it, I knew and you knew it: Alex Cora and the Red Sox were asking Chavis to save the game singlehandedly. I already had a loss etched in stone because there was surely no way that this poor kid was going to pull it off, right? Well, my dumb ass was quickly proven wrong almost instantaneously. Chavis ripped a double into center field directly over the head of Gold Glover Kevin Kiermaier, completely making a fool out of the 7-year Major Leaguer and star-studded defender. Kiermaier usually catches every ball that is hit within the vicinity of him but on this particular play he was made a fool and it was beautiful, Oh, yes. It was beautiful. Chavis hit a frozen rope off of a 99 MPH fastball, registering an exit velocity of 109 (one hundred nine) miles per hour with a distance of 401 feet. Yes, a 401-foot, 109 MPH double. I think this kid is going to become a fan-favorite with ease over the course of this season.
You may be asking right now, ‘Kaley, he didn’t drive in a run on this double…why are you even freaking out about it in the first place if it meant nothing?’ Buddy,,,,,, just you wait. Chavis’ frozen rope set up the leadoff hitter, Benintendi, once again in a prime position with two runners in scoring position. Wait for it…my hubby Andrew Sebastian Benintendi came in clutch *gasp* AGAIN and hit a sacrifice fly to drive in Jackie Bradley, Jr. to reclaim the lead, 6-5. There, are ya happy now, anonymous reader?! Chavis’ double DID mean something besides him looking hot as frick while at the plate (can we please discuss how attractive he is, my GOD my dear husband Andrew please don’t read this,,, but Mikey Chavis is a STUNNER if I have ever seen one). Not to mention, it was not-so-shockingly a fantastic piece of hitting by Benintendi, jumping on a perfect pitch with Alvarado throwing absolute heat and doing just the right amount of damage.
Ryan ‘Neck Tilts’ Brasier made it interesting once again by allowing two singles in the bottom of the ninth inning to further make this game interesting but in the end, everyone’s favorite psychopath got the save and secured the win as well as the Red Sox’ first series win of 2019. YAHOOOOO!!!! But that’s not all…oh, no. That’s not all. Brasier didn’t end the game. Nope. Christian ‘Suns Out Guns Out’ Vazquez ended the game by picking off Tommy Pham at first base on a pre-arranged play. It was GLORIOUS, my friends. When I say it was glorious, I mean it was glorious. Gave myself and so many others major 2013 Koji Uehara vibes and I loved every single thing that came with it.
This game was just one of many interesting ones that the Red Sox have played in so far in this very young baseball season. This team is so, so weird. All season they have struggled against mediocre and tanking teams and wound up with a 6-13 record because of it but once they face the hottest team in baseball who possesses the best record in baseball on their home turf, they saddle up and put them right back in their place. This season is going to prematurely age me mentally, physically as well as emotionally but truthfully, I am here for it 100 percent. I hope you are, as well.
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